We are lied to every single day. Hollywood, corporate media, social media, all show us a glimpse into the lives people live, and we are slowly convinced that our existence is less than in comparison. We don’t look like them, we don’t live like them, we are less than them… but THEY don’t live or look like that either. The images and the experiences we see portrayed every day are NOT REAL LIFE. They are a highlight reel of good times, made more beautiful by good lighting, good angles, and photoshop. I think we know that in the back of our minds, but somehow it doesn’t always make its way into the forefront of our belief systems.

What we see, and ultimately what we believe, depends on where our focus is… and that focus point is a choice.

We are ALL imperfect. Those imperfections, those low points in life, those mistakes we make, those struggles we muddle through… we become stronger through them, we learn lessons by them. They become our testimony, and when we are transparent enough to share those experiences with others and help them grow… we become better people and we help others become better too… there is real beauty in that.

Are we focusing on our problems, or our ability to overcome them? Are we focusing on the rocks that make our feet bloody on the roads we travel, or are we conscientious of the progress we’ve made (and have helped others make) while walking over them?

The conundrum I face as a Senior Photographer, is that I want to create an experience for my Seniors where they feel like and are treated like a superstar. We go through a whole process to make sure that while their portraits look like them and celebrate who they are, they are also styled and made up to be the “best” version of themselves. We use posing, angles, lighting, and retouching, all to satisfy those social standards of beauty. Our sessions create a highlight reel that I hope they will look back on for years to come as one of the most memorable parts of senior year. It is meant to be all in fun, to show my seniors a version of themselves they don’t necessarily see day to day… but how do I also show them that THAT version of them is not more valuable than the every day version that sometimes has pimples and sometimes is bloated, and sometimes is moody, and sometimes is so tired that the best they can do is just do nothing for a bit, and that’s ok?

What I realized is that I don’t have to show them, because really, deep down they know. They KNOW the rules of social media. They KNOW that what they themselves post to their pages shows more of the “ups” and rarely shares the “down,” All I have to do is give them the occasion to THINK about it and to vocalize their thoughts on it. It is my hope that being intentional in thinking about their worth will better help them recognize the pitfalls of media. It will help them to consciously recognize that (as they say) comparison is the thief of joy, especially when what we compare ourselves to is only a mirage.

The beauty is in the laughter. The beauty is in our relationships. The beauty is in the people we love and who love us… are we training our eyes to see all of that?

So for a fifth year, members of our Senior Rep Team have participated in “Project Beauty,” to share their thoughts about what True Beauty means to them. Last year, some of the girls were joined by their moms, which made the Project Beauty experience even more meaningful.

This year, we added “Conscious Ink” temporary tattoos with different inspiring thoughts to the mix. Each girl chose a different mantra, such as “Actually, I Can,” or “Keep Going…” I wanted them to choose a phrase they hold on to, even and especially when life gets tough.

Our team members are invited to this photoshoot, but they wear no makeup, not even tinted moisturizer. On my end, I don’t do any “beauty” retouching to the images, such as smoothing skin, or brightening smiles… I only make the images black and white. Then, to get their images, team members share a few sentences about what true beauty means to them. When we look at their images it is easy to see what they may not see in themselves… they ARE beautiful just as they are! When we read their words, we see their inner beauty, and that is powerful.

In 2022, we invited the team moms to join us, and for the first time in 2023, we have added the viewpoint of two males from our group, all in a show of solidarity with the girls. I think sometimes what women think men believe is beautiful may be different from what men actually value. I was curious to hear the thoughts from a perspective I’ve never and could never have, and I am thankful these men agreed to participate.

I’m 51 years old, and I know the things I’ve just written are true, but I STILL find myself diving into the shadows of self doubt. My skin is wrinkled and my shape is a lot more fluffy than in was 20 years ago… by societal standards of beauty I’m going downhill… but there IS beauty in the imperfection, and my life has been richly and abundantly blessed. I chose to focus on THAT beauty. As a kid, I thought adults had life figured out… now I know that even us old folks can use reminders about what we need to focus on as much as the 18-year-olds. I’m so grateful for these people for their words of wisdom.

But I’ll let you read those words, and see their images for yourselves:

Natalie Reda with her Dad, Nicky:

Natalie: “My definition of true beauty is something that is found on the inside. True beauty is within your heart and soul. It is shown by being yourself and embracing who you are. In our society people perceive beauty as everything on the outside, but I believe true beauty comes from having a pure heart. Being truly beautiful comes from being selfless and caring about others. It is all about how you carry yourself. Everyone is truly beautiful in their own way.”

Nicky: “Beauty doesn’t have to be about someone’s looks. True beauty can come from some of the most beautiful moments in our lives. Then, those moments turn in to beautiful memories. As looks fade over time, you will always have those beautiful memories that will last a lifetime.”

Rahilly Abernathy and her mom, Katherine:

Rahilly: “My tattoo for Project Beauty said “Actually, I Can”. I felt like that was relevant to my life because I’ve always been the kid that was too scared to try new stuff mentally, but I always tell myself that I can do it and that I’ll be ok. So the tattoo felt important to me because I often tell myself in times of doubt “Actually, I Can”. I feel like beauty isn’t just what you look like or how you treat others. I feel like it’s also how you treat yourself. Your beauty will shine when you are kind to not only others, but also to yourself. I feel like many people forget to be kind to themselves and put themselves down by saying that they’re not beautiful or perfect. Beauty shines from the inside out and I believe it grows off of being kind to yourself and telling yourself “Actually, I can”.

Shameron Johnston with her Mom, Samantha:

Shameron: “Beauty to me is what’s within. I believe true beauty is not only looks, but also actions and feelings. That being said, everyone has some form of beauty. Not everyone has the same type of beauty, but they are still considered beautiful.”

Colby Edwards with his mom, Nettie:

Colby: “What does beauty mean?  Beauty is more than just how a person looks even though that is usually the first thing someone notices.   But beauty is more than outward appearance.  Beauty is everything about a person.  It’s their personality, their self confidence, their sense of humor.  A person can be pretty or handsome but not be a nice person.  So to me that person isn’t what I find beautiful.  Someone who is confident, has a good heart, good values, makes you laugh, and doesn’t always have to be put together is what beauty is.”

Nettie: “I think beauty is very subjective but is heavily influenced by society. Social media/society plants the seed that beauty is “perfection”. It’s the perfect hair, the perfect teeth, the perfect body, etc. But that’s not reality. Reality is every one of us has flaws and none of us are perfect. What makes a person beautiful is someone that recognizes their flaws, accepts them, grows and learns through them. A truly beautiful person radiates beauty from the inside out.”

Mallory Salmon and her mom, Lisa:

Mallory: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4 

“In my opinion true beauty is not what’s on the outside but what’s on the inside. I believe that when you are confident from within you can conquer the world and anything you put your mind to. Everyone is unique in their own way on the outside and on the inside. Us as humans should not judge what’s on the inside or the outside.”